DNF - Rails to Trails 100 Miler

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 NIV
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

I don't like these verses much. I am not a fan of weakness and especially have a hard time with the idea of celebrating my weaknesses. This is probably why I could easily see myself jumping in with the people of the Tower of Babel story; ready to show off our great accomplishments. But like God's response to Babel, His desire is exactly what Paul tells us; to make His power shown in our weaknesses. Whether we want to admit them or not, our weaknesses are an important part of who we are.

This brings me to my latest race. In my over-confidence I made the decision to sign up for a recent 100 miler after racing the KC Marathon the week before. And to make it even harder, I ran it still planning to be at church the next morning. Bad decision. 

And I learned about weakness and failure. Even as I began the race, I calculated how long it would take to finish. I knew I could run this race because last year I finished in under 23 hours and in 6th place, but could I get done in time to get some sleep before church? And how soon would I feel the tired legs from a hard marathon the week before?

In every ultramarathon I feel the miles earlier than I want to. Usually somewhere in the 20's of miles I begin to feel tired and start worrying that I won't make it all the way. What I've learned is that the exhaustion doesn't continue at the same rate after that initial feeling. So my legs often don't feel that much worse after 40 miles than they do after 20. But this time was different. Right about the 8 mile mark, I began to feel that familiar tired feeling. But it wasn't until around the 41 mile mark that I started to feel like this may not work. I was noticing during the 10 mile stretch to the turnaround station that I was slowing down more and more. My legs were tired, I was already sick of the singular trail surrounded by trees, and the hours were going too fast. At this rate I was not only going to miss my goal of 20 hours, but I may not even be able to reach my last year's mark; which means I'm not getting much sleep at all before church. 

I hate to fail. I had never had a DNF (Did Not Finish) before, and I was proud of that fact. Even in my first 100 miler when I pulled my quad muscle 40 miles in, I had still finished the race. Not this time. At the 51 aid station, though my crew tried to talk me out of it, I was done.

What do I learn from this failure? 

First, people are generous in failure. We often think we'll be ridiculed and mocked when we fail, but people are incredibly gracious when we're down. I was almost frustrated by the kind words I heard from so many after this DNF because I didn't want to belittle the failure I'd chosen. But so many people were encouraging, I couldn't help but feel better. 

Second, I was forced to embrace this important fact, "...my power is made perfect in weakness.” My weakness is real and necessary. I am prone to the pride that I don't deserve, and my failure is a reminder that I am made for God's strength, not my own. In that story of the Tower of Babel God doesn't scatter the people because He's threatened by their accomplishments. It's because they've forgotten their purpose. We are created to need our God and to live in relationship with Him. As His created beings leaned more on their own abilities, they forgot their weakness; and forgot their God.

So fail boldly. It's frustrating. It's disappointing. And it's necessary. 


See you at the next starting line... and maybe at the finish line too.




Photo credit: Mile 90 Photography.

Running for Good

As most of you know, running is a major part of my life. What started as a way to stay healthy after two bouts of Thyroid Cancer has become a lifestyle, habit, addiction… call it what you want. It’s also my stress reliever, alone time, and time to read audio books or listen to podcasts or sermons.

Years ago I was on a long run training for an ultramarathon and I was struck by an idea. I was running 14 miles around and through town, beginning on county highways.  With no real space for pedestrians, I was running against traffic forcing many of them to go wide around me.  As I did, I found myself waving to each passing car, knowing that I was imposing on their normal driving space and trying to acknowledge their kindness in not running me over. 

I don’t know if it was the voice of the Spirit or if two hours of running is just too long for me to remain focused on the music in my ears, but I began to recognize as cars and houses passed me that each one contained people created by and loved by God.  Someone should be praying and offering a blessing to these strangers on my route. Finally it clicked and my run became a prayer run. My waves at passing cars instead became a prayer of blessing and a motion of the cross towards them. I began to pray for the people living in the homes and neighborhoods I passed, knowing that God would know their needs even if I don’t.

Then I had a thought. What if I started doing this on every run? What if I did it while driving through town. What if we all did? I can’t claim to fully understand how intercessory prayer and blessings work. But it’s clear that we are told to pray for others and there are people throughout our communities that are in need of God’s touch on their lives. What if we were a church that prayed for those we saw in passing?

Here’s what it did for me while running:

• It helped me to notice.  Before I was oblivious to the people I encountered on my run; instead paying attention to myself alone. In prayer, I noticed every house, every car, every pedestrian.

•  It eased my anger at those texting and driving. After some close calls on the highway while drivers didn’t see me cause their eyes were on their phones, I was pretty mad. My prayer running allowed me to instead see them with love.

• It reminded me that I don’t pray enough. As a follower of Jesus and as a pastor, I should be connected to God in prayer more than I’m connected to the internet. I need an “always on” connection like my phone has through its cellular network.

So what do you think? Want to be a prayer-runner with me? Or prayer-walker? Or prayer-driver? Imagine what God will do in our community when we pray. And know that if you see me running and my two fingers go up in a wave, I’m praying for you. And God is faithful when we pray.

The Decision

I remember this day about 15 years ago when Katie and I went to a new Nike outlet store in the suburbs of Chicago and I bought a new pair of Nike Shox running shoes. (Yes, these were the days before my toe-shoe obsession.) I took my new shoes and went off for a run. I’d been keeping up with some exercise while serving as a Youth Minister as we played games at church, and I had my weekly flag football league with seminary students to keep me in relative health. But that day, I had decided that I needed to start running more. I went for a 3 mile run that was hard and slow; but I was excited for this new habit. I would now be a runner. The decision was made.

Except I wasn’t. I ran that day. I may have even ran the next day. But then I didn’t strap up my shoes for another run for months; maybe even a year.

Actually, it would be 8 more years before I would ever be able to claim with certainty that I was a runner. After 2 bouts of Thyroid Cancer and my new-found toe-shoes, I started running again and stuck with it. I found a half marathon training plan and followed it to the letter; preparing for my first real race. That habit would finally stick as I ran 2 marathons the next year, 5 ultramarathons the year after that, and continues to this day.  

Why didn’t my grand decision lead to my identity as a runner in the first place? I think that my perspective was that all I had to do was get started. If I’d make the decision, then I would be on my way. But the next day and the day after that, I wouldn’t confirm that decision by heading out for another run.

For me this represents the way we talk about our faith. So often in the church we talk about “making the decision”. We tell people that they need to choose Jesus and then everything will change. But the reality is, it’s not one decision; it’s a habit that we’re creating. If that one decision isn’t followed by a habitual, daily choice to be in fellowship with Jesus; then we’re not being changed.

John says it this way: “This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.” – 1 John 1:5-7

We are to be “people of the Light” and that comes not from just claiming to be so, but by choosing to walk in the Light every day. We’re called “Christians” because we look like Jesus; or at least we try to.

I want to encourage you to make the decision; not just that initial decision to follow Jesus; but the daily habit of choosing to walk with Him. It is in the discipline of daily choosing to be with Jesus that we can grow to be like Him.

Blessings,

Regan

Tombs or Trees

I’ve had an influx of Facebook friend-requests lately. As my 20 year high school reunion looms this fall, I’ve had old acquaintances connect via social media. And since I became a part of World Vision’s Hood to Coast KC team, I’ve been introduced to teammates and other TWV team members as well. I do this funny thing whenever someone asks to become my friend on social media. I immediately go to my own timeline to try to see what they see when they look at it. It’s silly, but it’s my opportunity to make sure the person I’m portraying online is close to the person I am, and the person I want to be. I believe it’s important to be accurate in our online presence and not just show our best selves, but it’s also important that we reflect Jesus in our posts and comments. I see many on social media that are wonderful people, but who I don’t recognize based on their posts. I see kind and loving friends who are so busy chastising their political or social “other” with posts that I struggle to reconcile the difference.

This social media stuff is a good example of the struggle we have to live out our faith in real life too. So often we find ourselves going to one extreme or the other. We are either “whitewashed tombs”, looking good on the outside while decaying on the inside; or the opposite, a tree of life that produces no fruit. The bad news is that both extremes are missing the mark of discipleship; of worshiping God “in Spirit and in truth”, and worshiping Him by “offering our bodies as living sacrifices holy and pleasing to God.”

I’m realizing that I need to take a step back in my real life as well to determine if I look like Jesus in my daily interactions. Am I a reflection of the Prince of Peace, who teaches us to love people radically? Do I accept people instantly, do I love those that don’t love me, do I forgive automatically? Does the way I treat others show them the love of God?

What about you? Take a step back and look at yourself from an outsider’s perspective. Do you look like Jesus? Jump onto your social media accounts and check out your profiles. Do they reflect Jesus’ calls to make peace instead of division? Do you let your online presence testify to the love of Christ?

If you struggle with either of these – as most of us do – there is good news. Paul lays out a way to find the characteristics of Jesus grow in us. “… let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves. …the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” (Galatians 5) Let the Holy Spirit be your guide and God will produce fruit. Then we will look more and more like the Jesus we serve.