What do we learn from Carson King?

You may have seen the story. It's heartwarming, as a college kid asks for beer money on College Gameday and then donates the huge amounts of money coming in to the University of Iowa Children's Hospital. He is then lauded as an Iowa Hero, raising over $1 million dollars and receiving the support of Anheuser-Busch too. Then it all went off the rails.

This week the Des Moines Register began working on a story about King and found some troubling old statements in his social media. When he was 16 years old, King repeated some racist jokes that he shared with the world. So now the Iowa Hero is seen as a racist and Anheuser-Busch cut ties immediately. You can read all about it here.

What can we learn from this madness? There are definitely some important lessons for us from this story.

Let's address the Register's reporting and Anheuser-Busch's reaction first.

It seems that we now live in a culture that will do it's best to ruin reputations at all cost. We no longer give people a pass for their past when growth has occurred since. If you have ever made an inappropriate statement or supported a group that the overall culture doesn't agree with, you're sunk. Carson King was 16 when he made racist statement - and to be clear, they were unacceptable statements - but he was a kid. I am so thankful that social media didn't exist when I was too young to think through the consequences of my posts. The "cancel culture" of ruining people in the public eye based on old statements is dangerous. We need to live in a world that believes in forgiveness, growth, and personal change. If everything you ever said wrong can negate anything good you could ever do, we are doing something wrong.

We also need to be clear about the change that has happened in the world. I grew up in a culture where boys called other boys "gay" or "girls" as an insult, and called people "retarded". These were never good statements, and we certainly know now - as we should have known then - how hurtful those words are; but the positive cultural shift towards acceptance needs room to recognize that we have not always understood these things. I'm grateful that my boys are growing up in a world where we don't use those words and we don't see them as insults, but we can't convict someone by today's standards when their words came from a different day. (To be clear, I'm not advocating for acceptance of any derogatory words or statements. But we must at least take the cultural context of their time into account. This is not actually the issue with Carson King's previous comments; we knew better than to make those statements 12 years ago.)

But the backlash against the Des Moines Register is equally ridiculous. By all accounts - the editor of the paper as well as King himself - the Register did not actually draw attention to King's previous tweets; he did. When they contacted him regarding them, Carson King appropriately expressed his own regret and wanted to face his past statement head on with a press conference. While the DMR did find the statements, it was King who aired them publicly first. It is completely understandable that a reporter would do their background work before releasing a complimentary story about an individual. And Carson King should also be commended for being honest, open, and regretful over his previous statements. He didn't blame anyone or try to rationalize based on his age at the time; he took responsibility. He said, "I cannot go back and change what I posted when I was a 16-year-old," ..."I can apologize and work to improve every day and make a meaningful difference in people's lives."

Let's talk about what we really need to learn from this... Our words, actions, and statements matter. And with social media, they live forever. People young and old need to learn how to filter the things you say on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. We're learning over and over that you will be judged by the things that you share, no matter how good of a person you may be. You have to follow some simple rules for social media.

• Is it too personal? Let me say this plainly. FACEBOOK IS NOT YOUR DIARY. Your deepest darkest thoughts and secrets shouldn't be shared with your 5000 friends. (And depending on your privacy settings, anyone else that finds you.) Don't make the mistake of sharing too much. Instead, write in a diary or journal; it's good for you to put your thoughts down. Even better, make it a prayer journal.

• Is it a public attack? Whether you mean to harm someone directly or passive/aggressively doesn't matter. Online is not the place to attack someone. I've seen friends call friends out in a status and even tag them in it. Not a good idea. This is definitely true of couples. A good rule of thumb is to never criticize your spouse in public; but even more so online. If you have something to say to someone, do as Jesus teaches, and go directly to them. (I don't mean directly to their timeline either.)

• Beware of judgmental attitudes. Have strong opinions about abortion, gay marriage, politics, or religion? Fine, you can share your thoughts through social media. But don't make judgmental statements about the other side. In recent weeks following President Obama's comments on gay marriage, I've seen people on both sides not only state their opinion on the matter, but also attack those of the other side. Don't do it. You'd be surprised how many of your friends disagree with you, and feel judged when you criticize. On the other side, I have a scientist friend from college who disagrees vehemently with me about the origins of the world, but treats me and those he debates with great respect. Because of that, we've had some rousing discussions online as friends. (One more note: this includes the things you share on your timeline. Sharing an article that attacks others is no better than saying it yourself.)

• Think about what you say. It's funny how quickly we forget who we allow as friends on Facebook. I can't tell you how many of the youth of our church forget that I'm their friend and can see the way they talk online. I'm not a prude, and I understand the desire to drop word bombs sometimes, but Facebook isn't the place to do it. There's a great conversation in the movie Batman Begins where Bruce Wayne tries to tell his childhood friend Rachel that the playboy jerk he seems to be isn't who he is inside. What Rachel replies is very poignant. She says that what's inside doesn't matter. It's what you do that defines you. On Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, people only see what you post, not what is inside your heart. So make sure the right you comes out. This is especially true for Christians. Your testimony - life with Jesus - is out there for the world to see. People that know of your faith are watching your every move, post, and uploaded picture. Your words, comments, and tone are noticed; and the internet never forgets. Remember, we are responsible for the people we influence for or against Christ.

In all the controversy over Carson King, Anheuser-Busch, and the Des Moines Register; we can either bask in the outrage or we can learn and grow. Based on his statements in these last few days, my guess is that Carson King will try to learn from this and grow as a person. So should the rest of us.